Saturday, August 1, 2009

Always wear underwear as your mother says

2008  I learned a few good lessons one in particular, always wear underwear well maybe !!!
I had quit my career job for a more mundane job. Why, I do not know? I guess I had enough stress for 20yrs. So my new job was an hour drive each way and off I went.
For the first 3 months I'd get up early and do my hair and put on a face and go. But soon I was getting tired and back to working 12hr days with a 1 hour commute each way. The stress was starting to reappear. I got up one day and was going be late so I quickly grabbed the clothes from the night before and got dressed. Than realizing that my underwear were falling down my pant leg I just pulled them out and left. Yes, I went to work with no underwear on. Feeling a little freedom was ok for one day, what could it hurt? who would ever know? But soon that feeling of freedom would turn into humour at a time of need. I managed to fall into a 15 ft pit and shattered both legs bad trying to land on my feet instead of my head on the steel walkway below. While waiting for the ambulance to arrive, I tried to not look at my shattered legs, bones were sticking out every where through my pants. I knew is was not going to be fun. The first paramedics arrived and accessed the situation , He claims to me "we are gonna have to call for more help to get you out, and cut your pants, shoes and socks off".Yes I understand I replied. But soon remembered I had no underwear on, I started to laugh.The paramedics were looking at me funny as to say what is so funny. I politely told him in a quiet voice "I had no underwear on my mother was right all along". He said that is the least of your problems right now honey and proceeded to cut away my clothes. I chose at this point to cover my head with my jacket as to not see my mangled legs. I could hear the paramedic saying to the other "Holy Shit, I'm susprized she has not passed out by now".  By now a crowd had gathered above the pit, everyone peering down to see the action and apparently my koochy, and I could hear the sirens of the fire trucks coming closer. I thought to myself just great 12 more men to help. Well 2 ambulances, 5 paramedics , 2 firetrucks and 12 fireman later they got me up and out of the pit. Thank god they also have sheets to cover people with. I was the only woman working in a shop of 13 men. When I arrived at the hospital the paramedic was giving the nurses and doctors all my latest info and with a big grin on his face I could hear him say "she is stable and pulse is strong and oh yeah she has no underwear on", as he he winked at me. I had 20 hrs surgery to fix my mangled legs that week and was released 5 days later to my mom for  6 months no weight bearing at all, wheel chair bound and bed ridden.
At first it was hard to get out of bed so I just used a bed pan to pee. Not being strong enough to lift myself up I removed the said underwear. My mother had again told me to wear. They were more of a hindrance than a necessary article of clothing. Getting on the bed pan was a challenge and taking underwear off and on made no sense to me, so  again they were tossed to the side.
Well one week after my accident I noticed something was wrong I did not feel well. After an hour of this bad feeling we called another ambulance and soon they would arrive. Yes I was now having a Heart Attack. Again the question of how do we get her out of bed on to the gurney with out inflicting more pain and damage to my legs.My legs were in traction with metal halos attached to wires which hung from a frame above the bed.  Well of course call for more firemen to lift me. I only weighed 140 pounds at the time I'm not that heavy. So soon the same fireman arrive, just like old friends they said "Hi nice to see you again. They decided to lift me from all angles and slide me onto gurney. Well of course the two youngest most handsome men were positioned at the end of my bed. As they lifted me my legs spread wide open. Didn't they get a eye full. From behind the oxygen masked a started to laugh and replied to them "again I have been caught with no underwear on and if I would have known I was going to display my koochy I would have waxed at least". Well didn't they start to laugh and almost dropped me. My mom starts to yell at me I told you to wear underwear, I replied well Brittany spears don't have to, so why should I .The fireman could barely load me into ambulance they are all laughing to hard. As I continued to crack koochy jokes out of fear and embrassment. Once again into ambulance all sirens a blazing down the road we all went like a parade. When I arrived I knew everyone from my last stay the week early, they were all shocked to see me so soon. Again the same paramedics relay my stats to the same doctor "she is stable now but was in worse shape earlier and is having a heart attack, and oh yeah with a grin relays she has no underwear on again".  I was treated and had heart surgery the next day. They kept me for the week and soon would return to my mothers for care. She stated to me again the importance of underwear, but I felt just being alive at this point underwear or not was good enough for me.
I was given a electric wheel chair now much easier on the chest and heart. I needed a ramp to get in and out of the house, home care was all paid for by Workman's comp.  They soon would be delivering the ramp. My mom helped me get dressed so I could be ready if they came to drop of the ramp while she went  out. I had on a sun dress and of course underwear. She leaves me alone and goes  shopping, while waiting for the ramp, I soon had to pee. So I drove myself to the bathroom were it was all set up for easy use. A slider board to transfer from wheel chair to a raise metal frame commode over the toilet. It was a small struggle to maneuver over to toilet but I managed. As I got on it the door bell rings. It's the ramp it's here. So I quickly pee and go to slide off the commode back to chair. well I'll be damned don't my underwear get caught on the frame work of commode. I tried to pull, lift, tug and rip them to get free, but no such luck. My legs are wrapped thick and have metal rings around them . They are straight out , they do not bend at the knees.  I am now being held captive on the commode by my underwear and the door bell rings again. I realize they will leave with the ramp if I do not answer. So I get creative like MacGyver and  use the tiny pair of  nail scissors that were in the drawer of the vanity to cut my self free.Tearing and pulling off the underwear. Now able I slide back on to my wheelchair and leave the underwear hanging from the frame work of the raised commode.I wheel myself to the door as a pull down my dress to cover my koochy. The guy says to me I could have just walked in but wasn't sure if anyone was home. I thought to myself wouldn't he have been surprised to here me yelling from the bathroom help I'm trapped on the toilet by my underwear.I could have just pictured him cutting me free, this young 18 yr old delivery boy.I swore that day underwear would never wear underwear again until I could walk.
Soon after it is time for me to have cast put on my legs and it calls for another trip by ambulance to hospital.  I arrive to meet my surgeon and his assistant in a ward where there are least 50 people getting or removing cast. No beds available so they put me on a gurney to push me round until they can find a spot for me. At last a opening has come up. It's the end room at the end of the hall way, they push me straight in. They say they have to be precise and quick to set them right so my full cooperation was needed, I smiled and said do what you need to do.My mom was with me by my side. The male assistant walks down to the end of my bed and lifts both legs and rest them on his shoulders one on either side of his head. I had been in this position before but not with an orderly.  The two of them start to cut away my bandaging. I lay there with a grin laughing once again for my koochy is now on display again for all walking down the hallway to see. Of course the crowd waiting for the elevator outside my door was all looking. By this time I did not care anymore and just laughed. The surgeon asked what was so funny.I told him maybe we should close the door or least cover my koochy because a crowd is gathering at the elevator. He just about fell over laughing, and closed the door quickly.
So now it has been 5 months cast are off but still not weight bearing yet, it's summer and my mom and sister decide to take me out for a stroll down at our beautiful water front marina. I gladly go just to get out. The sun is just starting to set, and it's about 85 degrees out so I wear my handy dandy sundress again. My mom asks if I have underwear on. I reply of course I do.While strolling and pushing me in my chair along the walk way of the marina we just happen upon a docked rescue boat at the marina and all around it are fireman training for water rescues. They happened to look up and see me, yes they recognize my face but can't quite recall my name. Waving at me from the dock I hear 12 fireman yelling "Hi Brittany". I smile and waved back. My mom realizes why they called me that and we all start to laugh. My mom says "I guess your koochy made a lasting impression on them". I grinned and replied yes mom it was the best one they ever saw as we turned back towards the car.
So to wear underwear or not is a dilemma I have to this day... and yes this is all true you can ask my mother.
I'm back home now walking and doing a lot better but probally will not be running for a while yet..

Update link ...My right leg has a blog post:


  1. LOL, LMAO, and a new One LMUO LAugh my Underwear off!!! Young Lady, I hope you are healing and I know you will be up and running in no Time. such a profound story about something so dumb, that this just happens to take the edge of a lot of serious stuff, it was probably what saved you from going down the RabbitHole! Our mom always told us 2 things never leave home without your shoes, in case the car broke down and you had to walk, and of course never leave home without a quarter, to telephone, back in the old days, LOL!!! And Underwear I have one myself. I broke my Arm as an 11 year old playing football, and before they took me to the hospital, my mom insisted on Giving me a Bath, so by the time I was Buck Nacked in the Tub, the word had spread through the neighbourhood, Rocky broke his arm and literally every mom daughter and son came to visit me in the Tub, I have never been so em-bare-assed in all my Life, now I can say LMAO!!! Good Luck and Keep the Fire Burning Really love your Stories:)


    Alias @RockyBradley

  2. Too funny! A sense of humour definitely comes in handy at the oddest times doesn't it? Glad you're recovering well!
    I haven't gone through your same experience but after giving birth to two kids and my doctors each having a group of interns & nurses, I've lost track of how many people have seen mine!

  3. got me laughin' ... Koochy air forever!

  4. Barb..that was a fabulous story..I am sorry for all your pain, but your attitude through it all speaks volumes. I too had my clothes cut off by some lovely paramedics..6 in total, they were training the night I got hit by a car, it was the nicest experiecnce I had, they touched me with such tenderness and knowledge, soothed by battered soul in seconds and I kept them laughing through my pain. Every ambulance I see to this day reminds me of those men and all the people who came to my aid that night.
    It is how we deal with the things that happen that matters.

    you have some fabulous energy

    all life is energy...stop and feel it daily.. because it feels you.

  5. Glad you dropped me the link on twitter. That is some story. Oh my how you handled that all with grace and humour in such a trying time. Underwear be damned!

  6. Only you, my friend! Thanks for sharing a wonderful story that put a smile on my face. I could just imagine myself in your position and I'm sure I would have been as cavalier as you were. I mean, when it comes down to it, what can you do?

  7. hahahaha that is awesome, underwear is highly overrated :) glad you're recovering well.

    btw i'm @blusol, have a good one darlin.

  8. What a storyteller you are,and what aplomb you handle yourself with!

  9. You are an amazing woman and I am honoured to have been able to read your entire Blog

  10. As I read this story one thing kept going through my mind. Bazookababe should have been called KoochyQueen but you couldn't have run for ms Twitter because faxo would have yanked that avi down real quick. LMAO and my koochy too.

  11. your story is great and just so amazing all this happened to you. I once went to see a treatment center in a hospital . A woman i knew had a daughter in there for a condition I had and took me there. Her daughter was a few years younger than me , very pretty and looked inviting. She had on a hospital gown and was laying on the bed. She suddenly moved her legs. They opened and like your self exposed the koochy. No she was not wearing underwear. I dated her after she got out.

  12. Your a great young lady with a fantastic and funny story or should I say journey. Your strong and funny...never ever loose that. Love ya Keeperofdreams...your just what dreams are made of.

  13. Not what I expected when seeing the tweet. Story could have been sad; instead it is amusing although a bit scary. It was worth opening because I had to read it all. You can write, beautiful lady!